It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
