i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
