Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
