I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize