Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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