She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
