She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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