That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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