just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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