I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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