Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
