I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
