Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
