how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Randomize
