you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
