you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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