i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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