just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
