wrigley field is MILF paradise
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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