i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
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