All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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