Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Randomize
