New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
And my parents said I crawled through the house
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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