I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
This is the prime rib incident all over again
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
