My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I lost the right to judge tonight
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize