Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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