Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
