i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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