i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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