So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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