Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
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