I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Randomize
