I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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