Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
