I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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