u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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