i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
