my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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