so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize