put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
