i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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