I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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