Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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