I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
