i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize