how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
