i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
