i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
