um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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