did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
