cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
