me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
