i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
