Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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