you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
