He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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