If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm having to shit out rocks
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
