BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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