I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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