I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
