smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize