A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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