did you get engaged???
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
