do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
