Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
