I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
They are going to name an STD after you.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
