i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
