He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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