At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
