I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
the night ended with taco bell and tears
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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