Sry I called you an 8
I just gift wrapped bread.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
