9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
