D3 body, D1 cock
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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