tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
