Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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