last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
