I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize