I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
