Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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