Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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