Ambien. No doubt about it.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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