Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
