Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
