I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
