I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
