Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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