is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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