And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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