time to smoke my breakfast
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
