I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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