I'm so fucking centered right now
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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