Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
