but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
